Father's Rights - Of the Unwed Variety

When watching my usual brand of pre-teen oriented TV this week, I found myself bombarded by the mainstream media's portrayal of unwed fathers.  Most shows either brand the unwed mother as the hero who gives up her life to raise the baby with no help at all from the deadbeat dad or give unwed father's the idea that they have no rights as to their child.  (Notice I said "most" not "all".)  Being a lawyer and all... and having a lot of male friends... and a lot of brothers... and in general not really being a feminist has lead me to the conclusion that this brand of television is untrue, unjustifiable, and serves no purpose.  I fear that children growing up watching these shows are going to leave their future children fatherless - not because they want to, but because they are being taught that they have no choice and that is how things work.  Parents aren't much help - because seriously, how many parents out there tell their teenage sons..."If you knock a girl up, you have visitation rights, and you need to force your way into being involved every step of the way."...did you say "none"??? Exactly.

I'm not sure what kind of parenting results in your daughter acting like this, but it sure isn't the right kind.  (Clip is from 'The Secret Life of the American Teenager', Season 2, Episode 23.  Amy is talking to her dad about her baby daddy, Ricky, and how he wants an actual visitation plan.)

Now first, I would like to point out that nothing I say should be construed or misconstrued as legal advice.  Laws vary extensively by state.  If you are facing a paternity issue, you should contact a lawyer in your state and find out your rights and how to enforce them (btw... google is not "just as good as" talking to a lawyer).  It's never to early to start working on this - if you want to fully preserve all of your rights you should try and talk to a lawyer before the baby is even born.  BUT it can be too late, some states give prospective fathers a two year window to enforce their rights, which usually starts running when you know or have reason to know that you may have fathered a child.  

So you think you're a dad, huh... what rights do you have?

• a court ordered DNA test to prove paternity, which includes the right to force your name on the birth certificate in that little section where it says "father's name".  
• in some states, this may include a right to have the baby's name changed to the father's surname after paternity is established
• visitation or custody of child (usually) - generally father's will always receive some sort of visitation order at minimum unless it is proved that visitation is not in the child's best interests
• this means the court will determine when, where, how long, and even IF you get to see your child.  I would usually prefer for the mother and father to work it out on their own if they can, rather than have a court decide.  The court may make a decision that neither parent likes.
• right...or responsibility as some may see it... to help pay for your child's expenses
• the right for your baby to not be placed for adoption unless you consent or have your rights taken away  

Those are just the basics, definitely not an exhaustive list.

I sure wish I had a chance to explain all of that to Cory from MTV's 16 and Pregnant.  16 and Pregnant - Lori and Cory - If I could get access to the clip I want you to watch, I would.  Hopefully i will be able to replace this link with a clip soon.  The entire episode is good, but the best part is from about 35:30 to 36:45.  In this scene, Cory finally confronts Lori about her stupid mom and sees his son for the last time.  Dude, seriously, you're an asshole for liking your baby and not wanting to give it up for adoption.  But I would have enjoyed the show tremendously more if they would have broached the subject of the dad keeping the baby and the mom giving up her rights.  I just keep waiting for the day that MTV branches out of the typical.

Anyway, if you're anything like me, you probably sit around all the time watching TV, wondering what last name unwed parents have given their baby.  I tried to google John's last name (Amy's baby from Secret Life), but found nothing.  I also haven't ever seen any last names revealed on 16 and Pregnant (probably for safety and privacy reasons).  Nonetheless, I'd like to see a couple fight it out on TV over the babies last name.  Maybe MTV can do a TrueLife:  We Can't Agree on Our Child's Name.

Patronymy is not the norm in other countries (like Spain, where it is the opposite).  Nor was it always the norm.  (But it is a pleasant invention for those of us who like to keep our occupations secret!)

For quite some time, my friends and I have been debating whether patronymy is the "American Tradition" for children born out of wedlock.  So far, I have been unable to find an reputable sources on this matter.  At any rate, patronymy was enforced by most states for everyone until the 1970's - even married couples who wanted to deviate were not allowed.  Now every state has a different, complicated law to sort out the vast array of baby naming court cases they see every year.  For example, in Florida, if parents can't agree on a child's surname, the court gives the child a hyphenated last name, placing the parents surnames in alphabetical order.  Some states, like New York, strongly lean toward patronymy, and other's use the "best interest's of the child" standard.  (Case law in best interest states has strongly favored patronymy as in the best interests.  Private bias (i.e. schoolchildren making fun of kids with mother's surname, or calling kids 'bastards') means that it is almost always in the best interests of the child to have father's surname.)